I didn't realize that Mom and Dad were my only friends. And now they are out of the country with 6 days left until they're back. And every evening I get home from work to a dark, empty apartment, and I think.. and I can't even call Mom and Dad. And every morning I walk my 4 blocks to the train station in the now-cold, and I think.. and I can't even call Mom and Dad. And Sunday came and went, and I was a hermit because there was no one to talk to.
I went to the movie store to distract myself from the void and rented 2 movies (and spent $9!!!! horrific) to watch alone. I popped popcorn alone and when my artsy French film came on, I realized the subtitles were defective. There were none. I understood the first 30 seconds (because there was no dialogue) and then I had to turn it off. And in my grief I stopped watering my plants. Because if I have to suffer, so do they.
They forgot to mention at graduation that in addition to setting forth and changing the world and getting jobs etc, that we would also have no friends. So take note, Laura. Unless you stay in your college town, living with a college roommate, surrounded by your college friends, you, too, will have none. You will end up like me--a bitter and cranky old lady who mutters obscenities at foreign films and behaves masochistically towards plants.
However, I've found that when there is nothing else, one becomes quite creative. I've taken up refrigerator poetry. Because after all, every great poet had to start somewhere, and when I've gotten home, cooked, and eaten, and it's 8:30, and I say to myself.. well, Caitlyn, you can go to bed or write refrigerator poetry. The choice is clear. I will leave you with my two latest compositions. I hope they inspire you to think critically and reflectively about this thing we call life.
"Beauty is when I smell the whispering sky in a dream
I am drunk on purple music of the sea
I swim through the chocolate winter in bare feet
Singing into a thousand shadows
Lying abreast of essentiality
A day behind eternity
In death
Life"
"Never cook meat with drool."
2 comments:
My dear friend,
I know how you feel, trust me. I felt the same way when I just arrive leaving my WHOLE family and husband behind. I even asked myself hundred times "DId I do the right thing?"
Loneliness is important sometimes for us. It helps us grow and be more mature and like you said we even become more creative. You will discover new things, meet new people and what is even better you will know yourself...la verdadera Caitlyn and you will be surprised of what you find.
So, don't feel lonely feel thankful for having your own space to discover things nobody will ever be able to teach you. Te quiero muchisimo, Mona :)
I think I wrote some of my best poetry on the refrigerator. It actually inspired me to write some on paper.
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