A Horrendous State of Affairs

Fully aware that the majority of this blog's readers do not fit into the same demographic as me (namely: marital status), I am going to take it upon myself to serve as a both a representative and reporter on the HORRENDOUS state of affairs in the dating world.

For those who don't know, I joined e-Harmony a few months ago because, despite being a socially active person, I am experiencing a man-drought. By that, I mean that my regular weekly schedule (work, classes, church, friend-gatherings, etc) are filled with women. The few, sparse men around are either a) married, b) in serious relationships, c) not in my age/education bracket, or d) gay.

There must be single men out there, there must! I thought. And so I joined e-Harmony determined to expand my horizons. In the ensuing months, I did some soul-searching and went on a variety of dates. Most led nowhere. One led to creepy text-harrassment and an exasperated facebook post. After sorting through hundreds of profiles where 90% of men claimed that the things they were most passionate about in life were a) succeeding in their careers and/or b) working out and/or c) their loyalty to this or that sports team, a few well-meaning friends wondered aloud if I had answered a question wrong in the intake process.

Despite the aforementioned challenges, I've labored on. Tuesday I put in my time on the site (yes, it's started to feel like a job). Mike the Sailor got the ax after several email exchanges of rapid-fire interrogation. He finally said, "Is there anything else I haven't asked yet that I should probably know about you?" (We hadn't even met yet.) To which I replied, "Most likely, but isn't that part of the natural getting-to-know-each other process?" I was thinking, That's the kind of question you ask to a sales rep who's selling you an insurance plan or a vacuum cleaner. To which he replied, "What about you would make you difficult to live with?" Close.

Shortly thereafter, while filtering through profiles, I was horrified by this guy who's first photo was normal, but in his second photo he was making out with his dog. We're talking full mouth-to-mouth. I immediately threw up, and then closed.

Then the guy with a mike in one hand, a pint in the other, clearly wasted and a caption that read "Me singing drunken karaoke." Close.

Then the guy with the close-up artsy photo of his face at a side angle and the joint cropped out of the photo. Close.

Then I decided that since I wasn't having so much luck on e-Harm, I was going to try making connections in the real world. I challenged myself to smile at one man every day as I went about my day. Guess what happened.. no one will make eye contact with me! Everyone is in their own world, reading, with headphones on, intently typing away on their blackberries, etc. We are not doing ourselves any favors here, folks.

Next, I decided to look for a hiking/outdoorsy group to meet some new people with like interests. Guess what happened.. The majority of those folks are older, and the ones that are my age are... 75% women.

Where are the normal men? Where are they? And what ON EARTH has happened to the ones I've come into contact with? Is something going on with the men of my generation? Things are looking bleak. Very bleak.

Any theories/research are welcomed.