Birthdays

This weekend we celebrated Sam's 3rd Birthday and Lydia's 1st Birthday in a joint party. Since Lydia is almost always so happy and smiley, Amy made a yellow smiley face cake which was a big hit. Both kids seemed to have a great time! Sam had a hard time being patient, waiting to open his presents, and who can blame him? He got all kinds of things from a little radio that only gets reception for two kid stations, to a couple 3+ board games, to an 18 wheeler car carrier. Lydia seemed most happy with the cards on her gifts, especially the one that we gave her with a picture of a baby on the front. She has this special affection for babies right now. Her doll's name is baby, and she walks around saying "baby" all the time - giving herself kisses in the mirror! We had such a fun time, and we're so glad to be a part of their lives, watching them grow.

Love what you do. Do what you love.

At church on Sunday, our little group had “discussion.” I’m still thinking about it, so I thought I would post and extend the thought process. The topic we ended up discussing is an ad slogan from some clothing company. It says, “Love what you do; do what you love.” At first, it seemed like a positive statement and we set out trying to discern what exactly that looks like. If I could do what I love, what would that look like? I started thinking about my hobbies – photography, cooking, reading,… Strangely, or maybe not, I have a fear of doing/focusing on any of those things. My fear is that I will lose enjoyment of these activities if they become my primary concern. In American culture it seems we have associated the word “love” with “pleasure/fun.” We’ve even carried this into relationships, which could help to explain the rising divorce rate. Since when has love ever equaled pleasure or fun? I mean, sometimes that is what comes out of it, but it is by no means always that way. That idea gives love a very selfish definition. We would end up living completely consumed by what we want and enjoy. Although those "hobbies" are good and healthy to commit time to, it would be horrible to shut out other things for that.

So if we step outside of American culture, and look at this statement, what does it look like? And once we establish a picture of that statement, are we succeeding? As individuals, are we loving what we do, and doing what we love?

?

Well I can't say life is all cream puffs and sugarplums because if I did I would be lying. I'm not searching for sympathy or anything, but who can you turn to if you can't turn to family? School has gotten a little better, at least biology has since I started getting help from my professor. However, I'm still feeling overwhelmed and part of it is because I'm just not motivated to do it anymore. I really want to give up and just be done with it, but I know that isn't an option. I don't know why this year is so hard for me, but it is. It just feels like when I get something done there's still 8000 other things for me to do still. Some of it too is my situation with friends. It's not just within my sorority but with people that I felt close with somewhat outside of my sorority too, I just feel like I don't really have any friends here. I feel like my friends here are conditional and as soon as we're not around each other there's no reason to speak to each other.

This sounds really stupid and everything but just now I was looking at my buddy list and going down it I think i could pick out maybe 3 or 4 people that I feel like I'm close with. I never really cared before about friends but for some reason I care now. I guess I'm just getting afraid that these feelings are feelings I've had before and I get so scared that I may be getting depressed again. My inability to concentrate, focus, my lack of motivation, feeling so alone all the time. I'm trying really hard to keep myself going and to work through this but I'm just feeling more and more hopeless about things. I don't want to feel like this and I know I should go talk to someone here about it and see what they might be able to do for me but I guess I just don't want to admit that things are getting that way again. I keep hoping that constantly putting on a happy face will make me feel better, and I can fake things being ok pretty well, but I know it's simply that: Me pretending everything's ok. I can't go through this again, and I really am trying to hang in there but it just feels like I can't anymore. I don't want to have to be put on medication again. I don't want to bring everyone down. But I don't know who else to talk to. I don't feel comfortable talking to someone I don't know about all this.

I want to do well more than anything, I know what I want to do with my life and how I want it to be, but getting there is just beginning to look impossible. I'm so scared that this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. Thinking I'm all better and then for no reason at all suddenly realizing that I'm not better, it was just a brief period of calm, like the eye of a hurricane. I'm sorry you guys all seem to have to go through all this with me. I hate to bring everyone down because I can't seem to be able to function normally. I hate feeling like I can't do something and I refuse to admit defeat, but I'm feeling very defeated.

Life's too short not to laugh

Just to put my previous post in context, all of the prior-stated events are preceded in earlier weeks by leaking air conditioners, falling ceiling tiles, faulty fire alarms followed by visits by firemen--coincidentally corresponding to our Fire Station theme that week--, behavioral management crises, AND all the toilets clogging up at once.

But life is too short not to laugh about it.

All in a Day's Work

I had a foreboding feeling about this week as soon as I saw I had 2 missed calls on my cell phone Sunday afternoon. The first was from the Language Stars head teacher letting me know that my Monday German teacher had been in a very minor car wreck this weekend and was ok, but wouldn't be coming to work on Monday. The second was from the same head teacher telling me that he had yet to find a substitute for my program and worst-case-scenario I would have to call all my German families first thing Monday morning and cancel programs. My head started to spin. (It hasn't yet stopped) I called the German teacher who was in good spirits and immediately aleviated my mind by telling me that she herself had already confirmed a German substitute for the whole day. Thank God for the Germans.

I called back Head Teacher and told him not to worry, that German was now a non-issue, all was well for 3 seconds. He then told me that my Monday French teacher had just called in sick and substitutes were in short supply. Again, the worst-case-scenario-cancel-programs doom began to set in. We concluded the phone call with him planning to call his final alternative for French substitution and assuring me he would call me back to let me know what the French status was. No call. I went to bed assuming peace and tranquility.

Monday morning 0800 hours. I arrive and unlock the doors, 0830 enter 3 Spanish teachers and 1 German substitute. 1 French substitute MIA. Count down 25 minutes to the start of programs, I call Head Teacher to find out about status of French. No French, he casually informs me, you'll have to call all the families and cancel/schedule makeups. Thanks for letting me know, ... jerk. Many apologies and reschedulations later, the printer stopped working. Bummer.

This morning, I arrived to work to find that 2 of my 3 Tuesday teachers had called in sick. Lovely. BUT, this time subs were already in place and the only explanations I had to give families were introductions to the substitute rather than the cancel-programs speech. Around 10ish, still with no printer, my laptop popped up enthusiastically with a message telling me my disk was full. I have a wopping 0% available space on my C drive! Unfortunately to run the defragmentation/compression programs to create more space, you need 15% available space. So on that one, I'm rather SOL for the time being. The computer doctor is coming on Thursday. I might be hiding under my desk.

To round out the beginning of the week, around mid-day I left in search of lunch, and just as I stepped out the door, I heard a thud above me and a pigeon landed dead at my feet. Hello? After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I started to laugh. Could this really be happening? So there I am directly under the Language Stars signage in my Language Stars apparel and nametag, laughing maniacally at the dying fowl, wings splayed out pointing heavenward. I'd say that was a great one for the child-friendly marketing. I expect the enrollments to come pouring in.

Laptops

Hey Kevin...

So I'm looking in to getting a laptop and I was looking at the Dell website and right now they have an Inspiron 6000 advanced marked from 759 down to 659. My dad wanted to know what your thoughts are on this particular model SOOOO enlighten us with your brilliance if you will.

THANKS!

It's Raining Baby Things!

As most of you witnessed, yesterday we had the “family baby shower”. Aunt Pat, Sara, and Mardy so graciously, creatively, and elaborately designed it. From a clothesline of colorful onesies to Grandpa winning the belly-measuring game to disgusted faces of the baby food we had just tasted to lots of laughing. We all had lots of fun! Let me tell you. If you have never tasted much in the way of baby food (that you remember), Turkey Dinner tastes like mud!

Anyway, it was so good to be surrounded by family, and to feel so supported as our waiting time gets shorter and shorter. Kevin and I were talking last night about how blessed we feel. Elinore is not even here, and yet all these people love her and are celebrating her. How wonderful to enter the world so loved and anticipated. From all the gifts we have received, so joyfully given, and the things we have been able to borrow (thank you Lydia!), we have had minimal financial expenses. That alone is such a great relief, besides the fact that everyone has such good taste! After being in this place, I feel so grateful. I cannot wait for someone else to have a baby shower, so that I can go and bless them!

I’m sure others got more pictures, but here are a few I thought were cute! Click on the link on the right that says "Jen's Photos" for more pictures of the shower!

Here's a picture of Mike and me, I thought you guys would like to see what he looks like...you know those of you that haven't met him yet.

Well It's Been A While

Hello all,

I've been meaning to write for some time now, but it's been a very stressful and crazy time at school. I'm at home this weekend for fall break as I'm sure you guys know. It is SOOO nice to be home, I don't know why, but I have been really homesick this year. More so than I ever was last year. It could just be that this year has been quite a bit more stressful and difficult than last year.

As you all know, I'm in cell and molecular biology, which is a requirement for a bio minor, but unfortunately I do believe I am failing the class. It has been really stressing me out to the point where I'm thinking about dropping the class. We had a bio lab exam on Tues this past week and well I failed, but at the bottom of the exam was a little feedback question and I told my professor that I am really struggling to grasp the concepts and what not and that same day I recieved an email telling me that he has noticed I'm struggling and that he would like to meet with me. So I met with him and we've decided to meet one-on-one for the rest of the semester to try and help me get at least a 2.0 in the class. And well let's face it, we all know how hard it is for me to ask for help, so this is a big deal for me.

My other classes are going pretty well, I still love my basic acting class. I performed my monologue for a final grade on Mon. After break we start doing scenes from some plays we've read with partners. It should be interesting. My english class is going, I'm getting all my papers done and what not. And my RDA class for psych is just as boring as ever, but not hard. I did pretty well with stats in HS, so it's not too bad.

Mike and I are still together and going strong, they played tri-state this weekend and won 73-0. Mike scored a touchdown...I'm so proud :-) The first party for DG is coming up, but unfortunately Mike isn't going to be able to go with me because it's on a Fri night and they have a home game on that Sat, so he doesn't want to risk getting in trouble...SO I have decided on going alone. I think it will still be fun. I'm SOOOOOO excited for the baby!! I had so much fun at the baby shower and I can't wait for the next one. Mike can't go to that one either cause of practice, oh well.

I had a bit of a scare on Thurs night. One of my sorority sisters and housemates overdosed on some IBprofen and I had to take her to the hospital. It heard about it around 11:30 and I didn't get back from the hospital until about 3:30 am. Mike drove me and the girl who ODed, her boyfriend, and her best friend who is also my roommate. She was ok, she didn't take enough to do any serious damage, but it was scary enough. I talked her in to seeing someone at the school to talk to and the hospital called someone from psych to talk with her as well. And to add to the trauma of the night we hit a raccoon on the way back. IT WAS AWFUL, the little guy looked at me right before we went over it with the car, I cried. I've never hit anything, or been a passenger when something was hit before and it was HORRIBLE!!! Well anyway, I'm getting hungry and so is Caity so we're gonna go get IHOP.

The Wisdom of Children

I got to work a little tired today. One little girl arrived to her Spanish class a little early, and while her teacher was still setting up, I went in to sit with her. Just making conversation with this little 3 year-old, I told her I was tired today. I asked her if she was tired this morning too, and she nodded. Then I said, well, Maya, what do you think we should do to wake ourselves up? Should we stand on our heads? No. Should we jump up and down? No. Should we drink some coffee, I asked, now seriously pondering what I could do. No, ew. Well, what do you think we should do? Sleep, she said, as though it was obvious. And I guess it is. Why didn't I think of that?

Shower

The last week or so, I have felt so tired and uncomfortable that sitting down to compose something for the blog has seemed a bit of a feat! I am starting my 36th week of pregnancy, so the countdown is really on. This past weekend (as most of you already know) Nen flew down from DC for my baby shower. She and Amy put the whole thing on, and it was so much fun! From beautifully iced dragonfly cookies to pomegranate juice to CD favors to laughing with my friends to learning how to multi-task, it was something I will cherish! Everyone was so generous with their words of support and their gifts for my little Elinore. It is so bizarre to imagine that all of these sweet, tiny things will be hers.

I thought this pictures was pretty funny! 

Happy Birthday Kevin!!

I know this is a day late, but here he is in all his slendor!!

Mad

I wrote a long post yesterday and when I hit publish, it disappeared. Now I'm mad.

I always struggle before writing the first few words of whatever type of reflective writing I'm about to embark upon. Part of me wants to create some kind of opening to my life that will awe and inspire its readers to profundity, the other part doesn't want to get carried away in pretense. So this is just going to be me, with an uninspiring life update.

Like, Jennifer, I too am so glad to be encroaching upon the fall. There's something about the air and the ambiance that emminates repose and makes me want to breathe deeply. I hope that with our upcoming trips to Michigan to celebrate little Elinore that I get to experience the rest that nature is calling for.

Things at work started off with a bang, and have gone a little off-course this week with a serious of other bangs. The director, to whom I am the assistant, resigned rather suddenly on Monday, and left us scrambling around to continue the flow of the center while tying off loose ends. Unfortunately, still not even knowing all of the different policies and procedures and being the only one consistently in Naperville this week, has not made me feel really cool and confident. I feel a little bit like all these balls are up in the air-- I wasn't the one who threw them, I don't even know how many there are or how big they are, but they're coming down and I'm scrambling around underneath trying to catch them and feebly throw them back up. Headquarters has put together a team of experienced people who will support me in running the center and continue my training while they go through the process of hiring another director, but in the meantime, I have someone different with me every other day. The continuity is lacking, and I don't want to be responsible anymore!

Apart from that, I've been feeling kind of lonely lately. I'm still on the lookout for kindred spirits, but in the meantime it's hard. All my college friends are together in Austin which is sort of like a double injury-- they're far from me, AND they're all together. How do you make friends after college? I have yet to figure that out.

Hoping for a lovely fall, despite the predictions, and looking forward to patting Jen's belly--
Caitlyn

Apples

The year has rolled around again. Here we are entering fall, full of things that I love...bright colors on the trees, crisp cool days, apples baking into all sorts of good things to eat, sweaters, and this year Elinore. On Friday, Kevin and I headed to Crane's Orchard to pick apples with our good friends Megs and Alan. Its so satisfying to pick your own apples. To touch the trees they grew on. It almost makes you feel like you had a hand in their existence. Silly, but satisfying.

I made two apple pies today. Oh, were they good. We sent one next door to our neighbors and we took the other one to our church potluck. I tried a new recipe, and what a success! Only the dish came home with us.


My belly continues to grow. I've got about 6 weeks to go. As the days go by, my uncomfortableness grows (although I'm sure so many women have it much worse). It makes me long for her birth. How can we love her so much when we don't even know who she is?

Chicago

Kevin and I spent the weekend in Chicago. As you know, Mom and Dad got us tickets to Wicked (the musical) for our anniversary. After checking into our hotel room, we had an early dinner at the Berghoff (a German restaurant only a couple blocks from our hotel) where I ate Weiner Schnitzel and Kevin had the trio of sausage plate with saurkraut. Our waiter was so European. He came, asked us what we wanted, and left. No smiles, no chit-chat. It was actually kind of nice, not feeling all buttered up by our server. After dinner we had a little while before our show started, so we wandered around the city a bit. The Celtic Musical Festival was going on this weekend and we managed to stumble across it. We happened upon a dance stage. It was children's classes that were performing. They were so cool! Kevin took a little video, but I can't seem to get it to load. I think it's too big. Maybe Kevin can mess with it later.

We also walked through Millenium park which has this very bizarre metal statue that is extremely reflective. It's sort of like a futuristic park.

We caught the beautiful evening sunset blazing through a city street and reflected off the buildings. The photo doesn't do it justice.

Wicked was lots of fun. Very creative, great characters (some of them hilarious), good story, wonderful singing! A really great weekend! Thanks again, Mom and Dad!!!

Demolition

Just thought I'd give everyone a little visual update on the progress of Elinore's room. In the course of one day it went from looking like this:














to this:

Jen and Kevin

Happy Anniversary!!!

Grace United Methodist Church Chancel 9-2-05