Myself and I

Tonight was the first night in two weeks that I have gone home directly from work, and the first night that I've arrived home before 10:30 pm. I scrambled out of work as fast as I could, took the train home, and upon arrival, immediately started chopping onions. I've been wanting to make a Portuguese soup recipe for a while, and tonight seemed like the perfect occasion.

Around 8 pm I turned off my phone, set the table, lit some candles, and sat down to a homemade meal with Myself. I have to admit that I make pretty good company. We sat there for a while, Myself and I, enjoying the soup, not having to make any small talk or false pretenses. On the last few bites, Myself suddenly broke the silence by saying, "Well, Caitlyn, it's been a while. How have you been?"

I paused for a moment and replied, "Ok... I've been ok... Busy... things seem to be moving so fast. And I can't seem to figure out what I want these days. Somehow I'm feeling restless where I am, but the moment I start thinking seriously about making some drastic changes, everything seems to smooth out and I start second-guessing myself. At the same time as I don't seem to want to do anything differently, though, I know that there's so much world out there that I want to see and things that I want to experience!"

"That's tough," Myself empathized. "Really tough.."

I waited.

"I guess all I can really tell you," Myself continued slowly, "is to take each day at a time. You tend to look really far out into the future, Caitlyn. That's not bad, but it lets you begin designing some kind of outcome and then get really attached to it."

I smiled.

"If you are focused on doggedly pursuing that design and bringing it to fruition, you could miss out on other opportunities that you wouldn't necessarily have imagined otherwise. That could open whole scores of new doors for you! Sometimes those opportunities you sieze that you couldn't otherwise have imagined for yourself are the most rewarding. Just let life happen, Caitlyn. It doesn't need you to orchestrate it. ...And above all, be completely where ever you are."

I chuckled and sat there thinking for a while. I decided that I should be quiet more often to see what kind of wisdom Myself has to offer. Then, in gratitude, I gave Myself a pear for dessert. A very juicy, delicious pear. And we ate it together.